Tuesday, 28 January 2014

A TREASURE IN MY HANDS






Last Friday was a day that seemed to change my entire universe. 

I was deep in the lull of a quiet house 

and time to play with the camera, 

when a message popped up in my inbox. 

My heart skipped a beat and I had to keep reading and re-reading 

in case I’d somehow got this all wrong 

or my imagination was playing tricks on me. 

But no, those words were staring me right in the face 

“You have been selected...”. 

Me, chosen for something I’ve hoped for so much, 

yet dared not even think about after applying last autumn.

 In a couple of months I get to focus my full attention 

on studying photography with a view 

of it actually becoming a profession.









I can’t quite explain how utterly grateful I am for finding something 

at this stage in life that’s grasped me so entirely, 

every fibre in my being feeling 

both calm and elated at the same time,

 a deep sense that this is the path for me. 

As if the most precious gift imaginable 

was suddenly placed in my hands. 

A chance to embark on a journey

 – physically,  as I'll be sitting on long distance trains 

on a regular basis 

- but most of all a journey into honing skills, 

upping the challenges, ditching the comfort zone 

and discovering something new about myself

 and the world in the process.








Over the past years I’ve gone through stages of total frustration, 

desperately yearning for something more, 

a deeper creative outlet - 

then getting frustrated over being frustrated… 



Last year I decided to devote a journal to my creative pursuits

and where I hoped these would lead. 

At that point I made a promise to myself 

never to write anything down between those black covers 

if it was coming from a place of despair. 

I began to make sure that this thing that I loved so much 

would not be tainted 

with frustration, comparison, anything negative, 

but should be cherished, nourished and nurtured

And that’s when something quiet but certain began to take room. 

A lightness about things and a restful knowledge 

that any aspirations would move on at their own pace, 

unforced, when the time is ripe.










So much is going through my head right now,

but in essence I guess I wanted to encourage 

anyone else who perhaps recognises 

this struggle and joy and frustration in themselves 

to keep nudging, cherishing and honing that thing 

that makes you happy inside, whatever it may be. 

To keep every sense wide open 

to the bigger or smaller opportunities

and take hold of those threads of hope 

that life throws your way. 

And to consciously carve that space to do what you love. 







The next year and a half are glistening in front of me,  

and whatever may or may not happen after that 

remains a mystery.  

But walking that path that's in tune with one's heart 

is as good as it gets.




x












65 comments:

  1. Ai kuinka hieno uutinen! Missä alat opiskella? Ja iso kiitos rohkaisusta ja tsempistä tässä kirjoituksessa. Olen monet kerrat ollut samalla fiilikse llä kuin se mitä kuvailet. Lopultakin
    turhautunut turhautumiseeni....
    Onnittelut siis!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiitos Kati!
      Ja juu, omaan turhautumiseen turhautuminen on kyllä turhautumisista turhauttavinta :)
      Pääsin valokuvaajan ammattitutkinnon koulutukseen, jota suoritan töiden ohessa,
      minkä lisäksi ramppaan lähipäivillä kerran kuussa.
      Intensiivistä tulee olemaan, mutten muista, että olisin ikinä ollut näin innoissani!

      Delete
  2. I think, I can get to understand you feel...And I'm sure that everything is going to be good...Everything you touch turns into magic...
    Your photos are each day more wonderful!!
    Thank you for always making us dream.
    Kisses

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the warmth that comes through your words,
      leaving me glowing inside.
      Let's keep dreaming <3

      Delete
  3. i hope you find what you are looking for. i know that feeling very well, only im not there yet, but i know where i want to go, i just dont know how to get there. until then im lost. but there is still something beautiful about the journey of getting there, even if it feels hopeless sometimes. im happy for you. wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds wonderful that you already know where you want to go,
      that's a huge step!
      ( I think I took years knowing what I didn't want,
      but still not quite knowing what I wanted,
      felt like fumbling in the dark... )
      But I agree the journey is beautiful and invaluable
      and without all the frustrations and blind moments
      we would never get where we need to get.
      Wishing you a wonderful journey, every step of the way, x

      Delete
  4. Great news. Congrats! I wish you all the best as you continue to find your true passion in photography.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Leah!
      Have to say that even if I never ended up doing it professionally in any measure,
      it most of all feels so special to be able to develop in something I love to do so much...
      Wishing you a meaningful year 2014 wherever your passions lie, x

      Delete
  5. What an uplifting wonderful post.I am excited for You and don't even know You-really.I know what Your speaking about,deep down I feel the same about this time in My life ,but I'm not wanting to work or find a profession.I just know now that I am increasing My creativity and so excited about it.Congrats.to You-Enjoy Yourself.Denise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Increasing creativity is the thing!
      And what a force it is when you begin
      giving it your little finger...
      Such a source of joy!
      That's why this feels so special,
      a chance to actually devote 1.5 years
      to doing just that.
      So happy to hear you're getting your creative juices boiling, too,
      in added measures! x

      Delete
  6. Onnea ja rohkeutta yhä uusiin unelmiin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiitos kovasti Nalle!
      Niitähän matkan varrella tuppaa aina tulemaan,
      uusia unelmia :)

      Delete
  7. oi miten ihania uutisia! Aivan mahtavaa, kun uskaltaa " jahdata " unelmiaan.. Onneksi olkoon, enjoy every step of the way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiitos Laura kannustavista sanoista!
      Aloin olla turhautumiseni kanssa siinä pisteessä,
      että oli jo pakko tuupata vähän ovia tuohon suuntaan.
      Kaikkea hyvää sinullekin tälle vuodelle! x

      Delete
  8. hey, great news! I´m very happy for you - by the way, I totally can understand your words, because I have similar feelings...trying to find a way to use my creativity in more ways, what´s not easy with a fulltime job in an office 5 days a week. But I started, because beeing creative makes me so unbelievable happy - so I bought a new camera last weekend - and I will not stop, I know my dream will come true.... Looking forward what the future brings...I´m shure it will be beautiful ;o)
    Wish you all the best, sweet Rebecca!
    x, tanja

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loved reading this tanja.
      As much as working full-time takes away time,
      it can also be a blessing in enabling to invest in one's passions,
      like a new camera - sounds so good!
      And knowing that things will take shape as they should in their own time,
      as you say.
      Let's enjoy the ride, x

      Delete
  9. Congrats! so happy for you and good luck on your new journey!
    Ulrika

    ReplyDelete
  10. soooooooo happy that you have been granted the opportunity to walk this path! what a way with words and images you have. what an adventure it will be. i love the hope and encouragement you have left us here and find my own heart widening with expectation.

    go get em!

    michele

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you michele for always being so kind and encouraging.
      Your own heart 'widening with expectation' -
      how beautifully put...
      Sending you every good wish for this year, x

      Delete
  11. Congratulations and thank you for sharing your passion, joy, and enthusiasm with us. I live in Orlando Florida and have been following your blog for years. It's truly a work of art.

    Blessings,
    Anne Marie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anne Marie,
      so lovely to get your greeting from Orlando.
      Wishing you all the best for 2014, x

      Delete
  12. My dear R, you write so beautifully and poignantly about the longing we have voiced so many times, over glasses of wine and frothy mugs of coffee....:) So happy to see that you have dared take this step of beginning to invest in the future. I share so many of your sentiments, including the one about feeling calm and elated at the same time; knowing when it simply is *time* for something to happen, then stepping back and watching it unfold. As well as joyfully working hard! Looks like 2014 is going to be a milestone year for us both. I certainly hope so.:) With much love, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, those conversations over a coffee or glass of red have been pure therapy along the way :)
      Let's keep those coming this year!

      Delete
  13. Onnea myös täältä! Kuulostat niin ihanan innostuneelta, motivoituneelta ja onnelliselta! Saako udella minne pääsit opiskelemaan? Minulla itselläni sama haave mutta en ole vielä hahmottanut minne hakea...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nyt on ehkä ensihuuma vähän laskenut,
      mutta kieltämättä aika vastarakastunut olo edelleen :)
      Osallistun siis valokuvaajan ammattitutkinnon koulutukseen.
      Olen ihan tosi innoissani siitä, että joudun rikkomaan omia rajojani
      ja heittäytymään ihan uuteen.
      Tuo ammattitutkinto on siinä mielessä tähän elämänvaiheeseen sopiva,
      ettei kestä hirveän montaa vuotta (1,5 - 2 yleensä riippuen järjestäjästä).
      Kannattaa selvitellä, jos sullakin tulisi joku tuollainen kyseeseen.

      Delete
  14. Go for it Rebecca!! and follow your heart! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Audrey for the nudge ♡
      I recently made a change purely following my head
      and realised the hard way that it just wouldn't work...
      Glad to be back on track again :)
      Wishing you every good thing on the way, too, x

      Delete
  15. Very happy for your happiness..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you dearest Shelly,
      getting a little overwhelmed
      with all this incredible support.
      x

      Delete
  16. I felt the same way when I got into Grad. School, and actually cried on my last day of classes. Have a wonderful journey Rebecca :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have to say that I jumped, screamed and cried a little, too :)
      And still get rather choked...
      I just can't get over all you beautiful people out there, x

      Delete
  17. Onnea!!! Ja kiitos sun blogista. Tykkään todella paljon tästä tunnelmasta!
    PS. Lainasin sun ruusu-kuvaa mun blogiin tänään linkityksellä, että se on sun. Onko ok sulle?
    Iloa opintoihin!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kaunis kiitos Ruut!
      Ilman muuta on ok,
      kiitos kun kävit kertomassa.
      Kaikkea hyvää tälle vuodelle,

      Delete
  18. Brilliant news...tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life! :) KJP x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, love that thought <3
      All the best dear KJP, x

      Delete
  19. very pleased for you - looking forward to seeing more of your work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you carole so much
      - I'll keep them coming
      and won't desert this space :)
      x

      Delete
  20. Onnea! Susta tulee niin hyvä, tykkään kuvistasi jo nyt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiitos Hanni rohkaisusta :)
      Mahtavaa päästä haastamaan itseään tällä saralla,
      tekemään myös asioita, jotka eivät välttämättä
      ole mulle sitä 'ominta' ja oppia myös teknisesti uusia juttuja.
      Kaikkea hyvää! ♡

      Delete
  21. Hienoa ja onnittelut. On todella kiva lukea ajatuksiasi. Olen niin usein ollut itsekin ollut turhautunut . Suunta on mutta se ei ole suurin haaveeni mikä turhauttaa välillä todella. Mutta niin kiva että jotkut sen löytävät. Opiskeletko Suomessa?
    Lämpimin terveisin Anu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiitos Anu, nuo sun ajatukset kuulostavat niin tutuilta.
      Tuntuu, että paljon on tehnyt elämässä 'puolella sydämellä'
      ja monesti vaan ottaa aikaa, että löytää sen oman jutun.
      Ja toisaalta se oma juttukin tuppaa ajan saatossa muuttumaan
      ja taas rupeaa turhauttamaan...
      Mutta ihmeellistä voimaa meissä ihmisissä on
      ja kykyä löytää tasapaino myös.
      Toivotan siis sen suurimman haaveesi toteutumista,
      pienin mutta varmoin askelin sitä kohti...
      Suomessa opiskelen juu :)
      x

      Delete
  22. Congratulations! How could your photos get any better? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aaahhh, thank you dear Nantucket Mermaid ♡
      Have to say I'm so looking forward to just spending time
      doing this thing that I love
      and widening my horizons a little into something a more challenging.
      I don't think it's necessarily going to be an easy ride for me :)
      x

      Delete
  23. Agree with the previous comment your photos are already so good! You have such a great eye and writing sense that I hope you will carry on being so generous with your blog. You have one of my favourite favourite blogs and I'm very happy for you, wishing you a beautiful adventure on your new journey!! liz from Paris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you liz from Paris (aaahhh) for being so generous with your words,
      they meant a lot! x
      I'll definitely keep sharing ♡

      Delete
  24. Paljon onnea! Olipa ihana lukea tekstisi, joka kuvasi niin hyvin monia itsekin läpikäymiäni tunteita viime päivinä. Siitä tulee mahtavaa, olen iloinen puolestasi!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oi kiitos Saija ja kaikkea hyvää samoihin pohdintoihin sinne! x

      Delete
  25. Hooray! That's wonderful! I'm very happy for you.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Rebecca, you have no idea how your elation and hopes have touched my heart and how happy I am for you. You tapped into your creativity, illustrated in this blog I follow since the day I came across with, and I have no doubt that you will fulfill your dream. Your journey toward the new you might not always be easy but knowing that you are on the right track will help you overcome difficulties. Maybe one day you will publish a book where your photos will be accompanied by texts written in your poetic, thoughtful and beautiful style. When I was accepted at a creative writing course I could not believe my eyes and I couldn't wrap my mind to the fact that my short story has been selected. I believe that we all have something creative in us that needs to come out and ripe when the time is right. I join liz in hoping that you will continue to delight us keeping this blog alive, though I imagine that it will not be so easy. After all, the day has only 24 hours and you also have two kids.
    May your journey be a happy and a fulfilling one. I am happy for you.
    With love,
    Doina from New York

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Doina Manea so much for taking the time
      to write down those words of encouragement,
      I'll treasure them.
      So glad you get to nurture your creative side, too,
      what an incredible force and source of joy it can be.
      I wish you all the best in New York
      (oh how I'd love to visit that city one day :) )
      x

      Delete
  27. Congratulations, Rebecca, I'm very happy for you. I really love your photos and your words are very inspirational. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  28. Aivan huippua, Rebecca! Kävin läpi samoja tunteita vuosi sitten kun palasin koulunpenkille. Lukemattomina aamuina kaukojunassa tämän vuoden aikana olen ajatellut, että elän elämäni onnellisinta aikaa. Onnea ja menestystä!
    Iina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ihan mahtavaa kuulla, että sullakin tuollainen vaihe menossa, jee :)
      Kaikkea hyvää sinne tien päälle, matkalle eteenpäin, x

      Delete
  29. Rebecca I am so happy for you! Your heart is in the right place. xo Your Sanctuary here is a place I come to to breathe in the beauty and calm...YOU give that to us. Thank you. Your photography speaks to me. I wish you all your heart desires on this journey. Thank you also for encouraging me to continue on in my own rythm of heart beat as an artist. The road ahead can only be beautiful. xxo

    ReplyDelete
  30. This story gave me goosebumps. This sounds amazing and I am keeping my fingers
    crossed for you and a bright future. Everyday one of us dreamers gets a little closer
    to that particular dream makes me hope even more...
    Thank you for giving me hope!

    xxx
    Nicole

    ReplyDelete

It makes me happy
when you leave a trace

- whether it's a single word
or you scribble all over.

x

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